This sponsored post was provided by Burke Care, and written by Jen Arend, which invites you to schedule care today with a certified biblical counselor.

As the music swells, she begins her descent down the aisle. All eyes are on her, especially her groom. She is radiant, majestic, and filled with beauty. Her gaze meets his tear-filled eyes. The two express vows before God and witnesses, though it does not take long before they learn that living out those vows becomes a dance of beauty and chaos.[1] How can earthly marriage thrive in the dance? Any discussion of roles in marriage begins with beholding the ultimate Bridegroom, the Lord Jesus Christ. In beholding the true Bridegroom from Genesis to Revelation, marriage is transformed into a beautiful dance, reflecting the relationship of Christ to his church.

Beholding the Lord Jesus, and his bride, begins in the “very good” creation of the opening chapters of Genesis. First, this relationship is seen in the Trinity. God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit dwell together in perfect unity and mutual love (Matt. 3:16-17; 12:18; Mark 9:7; John 14:31; 17:24). God then gave human expression to this beautiful, Trinitarian relationship by creating Adam and Eve in the garden. What God created was “very good,” a real-time, flesh and blood expression of the deep unity that exists in the Godhead, an earthly picture of Christ and his church. The man and the woman walked with God in perfection and experienced the blessing of an unstained unity and love for one another, a dance of sheer beauty . . . until Genesis 3.

The fall of man, as recounted in Genesis 3, warped both the vertical and the horizontal dance. The whole human race was plunged into sin through the disobedience of Adam (Rom. 5:12-19), as Adam became the first bridegroom who failed. The relationship between God and man was marred, and because of the curse, earthly marriage became a dance of beauty and chaos. Where Adam failed as the first bridegroom, Genesis 3:15 revealed the seed promise of a Bridegroom to come who would never fail, alluded to throughout the entire Old Testament.

The books of Genesis to Malachi are replete with references to God as the ultimate Bridegroom (Isa. 54:5; Jer. 31:32; Ezek. 16:8-32). Throughout the Old Testament, there are large portions of Scripture dedicated to this theme. Some examples include: the book of Ruth with marvelous Boaz, Hosea’s chaotic depiction of loving his prostitute wife, and the Song of Song’s vivid allegory with much application to earthly marriage. Throughout the Old Testament, God presents himself as the perfect Husband to his people, foreshadowing his Son who would come to be the ultimate Husband.

After years of silence, God spoke to us in his Son (Heb. 1:2). Christ came to us gentle and lowly. Though somewhat veiled in the Gospels, Jesus referred to himself as the Bridegroom in relation to fasting and to his second coming (Matt. 9:15; Mark 2:19). Then in Ephesians 5, Paul with total clarity presents the Lord Jesus as the great Husband of his bride, the church. Quite clearly, Christ’s model of sacrificial love is to be the example for all earthly husbands. Jesus was the servant of all (Mark 10:45; John 13:1-17) and the lover of his people to the point of laying down his life on a rugged cross, conquering sin and death through his glorious resurrection.

In contrast to Christ’s perfection, his bride the church walks in this broken world as a new creation in him, and yet still not wholly perfected. The church battles against the world, the flesh, and the devil as she lives out the dance of beauty and chaos in her relationship with Christ. This brokenness is an ever-present reality in this life. But Christ loves his bride and woos her until one day he will take her home by death or his imminent return. The bride will be perfected, and the Bridegroom will dwell with his bride in radiant glory. All of redemptive history points to this. The great multitude of Revelation 19:7 will thunder, “Let us rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready.” Oh, what a glorious day that will be, when the perfected bride will behold the face of her ever-perfect Bridegroom!

As we gaze upon the beauty of Christ, these truths have implications for the dance of earthly marriage. While the vertical relationship between Christ and his church continues in a fallen world, horizontally Christian marriages are called to reflect the beauty of this relationship. Because of the fall, this warped dance is found even in the best of marriages, some more beautiful and others more chaotic. How can these truths help the more chaotic moments or the desperately broken seasons of marriage in a fallen world? Sinners by faith must first be brought into a living relationship with the perfect Bridegroom, the Lord Jesus Christ, and continually behold his beauty. It is only in a growing relationship with Christ that a couple is able to love the way that God loves and find greater oneness in the dance. Though not perfected in this life, “abiding in Christ” makes it possible to live out a more beautiful picture of Christ and the church, for “apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:4-5).

Could it be that many marriages suffer as a result of not beholding the Bridegroom as presented in all of redemptive history, from creation to consummation? A robust understanding of the perfect love relationship that exists between the persons of the Trinity is the sure foundation for earthly marriage. And when one beholds Christ as the ultimate Bridegroom, foreshadowed in the Old Testament, and the church as his beloved bride, there leaves little room for wrong views of headship and submission, little room for habits of mistreatment in Christian marriage. Roles in marriage flow from the robust foundation of the oneness of marriage, just as the roles in the Trinity flow from the beautiful oneness of the Godhead.

When one gazes upon the beauty of Christ as the ultimate Bridegroom, the heart is inevitably changed. “But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed . . .” (2 Cor. 3:18). Being drawn back to the perfection of the garden and drawn forward to the new creation, Christ makes all the difference in the present. With eyes fixed on the true Bridegroom, the dance of earthly marriage becomes a little less chaotic and filled with greater beauty, all to the resounding glory of God alone.

[1] Imagery of a dance inspired by Tim Keller’s book The Meaning of Marriage.

If you have found “being transformed” more painful than expected, please consider reaching out. One of our Burke Care Team members would love to hear your story and help you navigate the “dance.”

You can find more blog post like this at Blog — Burke Care.

Good morning still and again from Unalaska where the fog has come in and flights have been cancelled. We had planned to leave yesterday but are now going to be stuck here until at least Wednesday!

I dug up a few new Kindle deals for you today, though it’s not quite as extensive as yesterday’s massive list…

(Yesterday on the blog: 20 Years of Daily Blogging and Other Miscellania)

Movies, Moral Revulsion, and a Post-Christian Age

This is a strong piece by Samuel James as he considers how movies may glamorize the very thing they are supposedly critiquing.

Saying Our Prayers

Andrea considers hypocrisy—our own and that of other faiths.

“My Greatest Accomplishment”—I Get it Now, Mom

“And oh dear Lord, I am so glad that I had children—so grateful that you entrusted me with these four precious souls who are forever ‘mine.’ Yes, raising them was hard. To varying degrees, they gobbled up my time, my energy, my money, my sleep, my space, my patience, and sometimes my sanity, but they are still and always will be my greatest accomplishments.”

Free eBook: R.C. Sproul’s Commentary on Romans

It’s Reformation Day, when many Protestants celebrate the recovery of the biblical gospel that took place in the sixteenth century. It was while Martin Luther was studying the book of Romans that he rediscovered the doctrine of justification by faith alone. So, today Ligonier Ministries is offering R.C. Sproul’s commentary on Romans as a free ebook. Download your copy to enjoy a verse-by-verse exploration of the rich gospel truths woven throughout Paul’s letter. (Sponsored Link)

When Death Starts to Take Our Friends

Stephen McAlpine: “So you reach an age when your friends all start to die. News that Friends star, Matthew Perry, died suddenly on Sunday after an apparent heart attack in his hot tub, met with the usual outpouring of grief. And rightly so. He was a gifted man, a tortured man, an honest man about his gifts and tortures.”

What Does It Mean to Grieve the Holy Spirit?

Fred Sanders considers if and how we can grieve the Holy Spirit.

Less leader and more shepherd and servant

Stephen Kneale looks to the Bible to encourage pastors to be less leader and more shepherd and servant. “Who is head of the church? In true Sunday School style, everyone knows the answer, as always, is Jesus. Colossians 1 and Ephesians 5 both says it so. Jesus is head of the church. But, if Jesus is the head of the church, where does that put pastors and elders?”

Flashback: Things for Christian Men To Think About

I have had a few opportunities in the past few weeks to interact with Christian men. Along the way I’ve jotted down a few thoughts that arose from those conversations. I thought I’d share them…

Learn much of the Lord Jesus. For every look at yourself, take ten looks at Christ. He is altogether lovely. Such infinite majesty, and yet such meekness and grace, and all for sinners, even the chief!

—Robert Murray M’Cheyne

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I am often asked how I read so many books. My pat answer is something like this: “The more you read, the easier it gets. When you’ve read 8 books on marriage, the 9th goes really quickly.” The point is that there is a kind of sameness to Christian publishing where books tend to focus on the same themes, exposit the same passages, quote the same authors, and in the end say roughly the same things. It’s awfully refreshing, then, when you encounter a book that is different and distinct. And that’s exactly the case with Chad and Emily Van Dixhoorn’s Gospel-Shaped Marriage: Grace for Sinners to Love Like Saints.

“This is a book for couples, but not just couples,” they say. “The institution of marriage is an integral part of the life of the Christian church. Time spent thinking about marriage will help some of us be more thoughtful about married life and all of us be more prayerful. For that reason, we appeal directly to married people throughout, but we also have in mind those who are only thinking about marriage or who want to support married people. There are no R-rated scenes. There are only helps for the married, prompts for those who want to pray, and encouragements for those who wish to defend and promote the institution of marriage, this gift from God that every church member ought to treasure, whether married or not.”

There are a few features of the book that the authors point out as distinguishing it from many others: its brevity (it’s just 160 pages), its focus on Christian spouses as being both sinners and saints (and therefore capable of great sin but also true holiness), and the way that, instead of drawing from contemporary books on marriage, it looks instead to the distant past (and especially to William Gouge’s classic Domestical Duties).

Gospel-Shaped Marriage begins with a brief explanation of what the Bible says about marriage—the basics that we can no longer take for granted in this age of confusion and deliberate deconstruction. They then set marriage in its redemptive-historical context, using Augustine of Hippo’s framework to show how marriage is different in its garden variety, in its fallen state, in its redeemed state, and in its future state. “The marriage of eternity is better than the marriage of time. In heaven, the all-fulfilling relationship will not be between man and woman, but between God in Christ and the church as his bride. It was not good for Adam to be without Eve in the garden, but it will be fine for him to be without her in the new heavens and the new earth. Marriage is eternal in its significance, not because it lasts for eternity, but because it can be used to equip us for eternity.”

The third chapter is an important one as it deals with grace in marriage and the tricky matter of mutual submission. They draw some fascinating insights from Gouge that “Ephesians 5 is not an improvement guide for spouses … On the contrary, we are told one another’s duties for the purpose of making their work a joy to them—just as Scripture puts it, in another context, for ministers and church members (Heb. 13:17).” There are very practical consequences to this: “Are husbands to love their wives (to pick one example of a duty)? Then wives are to make themselves as lovable as possible, for this is the principal way of helping a husband with his own duty to love her. Is a wife supposed to respect her husband? Then he needs to do his best to be worthy of respect in order to help her respect him.”

The subsequent chapters turn to the particular place of women in marriage, then to the particular place of men, focusing still on the New Testament’s key verses on marriage from Ephesians 5. A chapter titled “Winning in Marriage” looks at troubled marriages, “Family and Marriage” discusses leaving parents and adding children, while “Bedtime in Marriage” turns to intimacy and sexuality—topics that are covered with appropriate levels of detail and discretion. It wraps up with “Growing in Marriage,” which is about mutually growing in grace.

Gospel-Shaped Marriage is as good a book on marriage as any I’ve read and one I plan to recommend often and read alongside others. Though it could be a good option for pre-marriage reading, it would definitely be a perfect option for a mid-marriage refresher. If I was asked to offer an improvement, I might suggest that, while the word should is used frequently, it is not always clear how that word of moral obligation is linked to biblical commands. Yes, we can have confidence that “the first thing we should look for in a marriage is someone of the opposite sex,” but I’d say it is more difficult to demand that “Christian couples should ask how they can pray for each other in the morning.” While one of these is a biblical mandate, the other is merely a wise suggestion, and I always consider it helpful to distinguish between the two.

Over the past few years we have seen a sudden outburst of gospel-driven, gospel-focused, gospel-shaped, and other gospel-hyphenated books. Gospel-Shaped Marriage is among the best of them and, I suspect, among the few that will have some longevity—and that’s because marriage truly is shaped by the gospel since it exists to display the gospel. It combines sound biblical teaching with helpful real-life application and does so in a way that can help change, improve, and perhaps even transform any marriage.

Good morning. Grace and peace to you.

Today’s Kindle deals include some top-notch books on the Trinity.

(Yesterday on the blog: One Woman in the Right Mightier than Four Hundred Men in the Wrong)

Not What I Expected

“One of the most shocking television moments I ever witnessed was on L.A. Law in the 1980s. A character everyone loved to hate, Rosalind, stepped into an elevator mid-sentence and unexpectedly plummeted to her death. That’s kind of how I felt when I became a mom. Like I took a step and the floor wasn’t there. The drastic life change was so much harder than I expected, in ways I didn’t anticipate.” That’s an apt illustration, I think!

A Legacy of Covenant Love

I enjoyed this look at beauty in an arranged marriage. “As an outsider looking in for the past fifteen years of their long marriage journey, I am astounded at the depths of their relationship. I am humbled by the way friendship and romance grew out of covenant and choice. I am deeply indebted to their marriage, not only for producing my husband, but also for painting a realistic yet regal picture of covenant love.”

Why We’re All Manhattan Now

There are lots of interesting insights in this article. “We’re all Manhattan now. What was once an outlier culture because it was a city centre – the city centre – is now downtown mall-rat thinking in the backwater towns of not just the USA, but the rest of the Western world.”

Ministry in the Mundane

This one is written specially about motherhood but pertains to so much more.

Teach Us to Number Our Drives, That We May Gain the Hearts of Our Children

And this one talks about making the most of one of those mundane tasks of parenthood. “My job as a Mom means my secondary office is my car. On days when we have sports commitments, I spend hours and hours shuttling my kids around town. This is nothing new for me, and I know parents all over the world experience the same thing.”

Did not meet expectations

“As a teacher I was once asked to avoid ever using the word ‘Failed’ on academic reports. It was felt that the term carried too many negative overtones and could be psychologically harmful to a young child. The instruction was to rather use the term ‘Did not meet expectations’.”

Flashback: Just Forget About Marriage for a Minute!

Ephesians 5 tells a husband he must love his wife as Jesus Christ loves his church. So let’s forget about marriage for a minute and reflect simply on how we are loved by our great Savior.

God is always mindful of His own, always redeeming, always acting to bring about His kingdom purposes—in His way and His time.

—Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

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Every now and again I like to share an example of one of our worship services from Grace Fellowship Church. I do this simply to provide an example of how one church structures our time of worship, hoping it will prove a helpful resource to others.

This service’s cast of characters included Paul as the preacher, service leader, and lead worshipper. Tristan served as the elder who led the pastoral prayer and Scripture reading and John, an intern, handled some opening and closing elements. We sang only acapella, which constrained us to hymns. The various elements of the service are in bold with the name of the person who led the element in parentheses. Items in quotes represent roughly what the person said to the congregation. Items not in quotes are explanatory. The entire service lasted approximately 75 minutes.

Welcome (John)

John, one of our interns, welcomed people to the service and provided some basic instructions for during and after the service. He then prayed briefly.

Call To Worship (Paul)

Paul provided a call to worship from Deuteronomy 7:9: “Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations.” He then said, “What an interesting command: Know your God is God, and that He is faithful. This is a call to worship the faithful God by knowing Him.” He invited us to respond to that call to worship with a word of affirmation from Psalm 135:5: “For we know that the Lord is great, and that our Lord is above all gods.”

Singing (Paul)

• “Great Is Thy Faithfulness” (acapella)

Confession of Sin (Paul)

Paul led a confession of sin that went something like this: “The writer to the Hebrews said, ‘Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” We sing, Great is THY faithfulness, but we have to admit, Great is MY unfaithfulness. Take a moment in private prayer to confess your unfaithfulness to God.”

Assurance of Pardon (Paul)

After a short time of silent prayer, he read 2 Corinthians 5:21: “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.” Then he said, “Brothers and Sisters, since you have repented of your sins and put all your trust in Faithful Jesus, be assured that God looks upon you as righteous in His sight.”

Singing (Paul)

• “Before the Throne of God Above” (acapella)

Scripture Reading (Tristan)

“Please take your Bible and turn to Ephesians 5. We will be reading verses 15 to 33.” The reading began with “This is what Holy Scripture says…” Upon completion I said “This is the word of the Lord” to which the congregation replied “Thanks be to God.”

Pastoral Prayer (Tristan)

Tristan prayed for a number of concerns related to our church family.

Singing (Paul)

• “There is a Fountain” (acapella)

Sermon (Paul)

Paul preached a sermon in his series on Ephesians, “Let’s Just Act Like Christians.”

Singing (Paul)

• “My Jesus I Love Thee” (acapella)

Commission (John)

John tied the message of the sermon into a “commission” that challenged the church to live out its truths throughout the week. This included mentioning some of the events coming up in the life of the church.

Benediction (John)

“Receive this blessing of the Lord from His Word: ‘The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.’ Amen.”

A book about a Christian perspective on manhood and womanhood faces an immediate challenge: Do we really need another one? There are, after all, any number of titles that deal with the subject and do so with skill. Could there really be a place for one more?

Kevin DeYoung believes there is and, for that reason, has written Men and Women in the Church: A Short, Biblical, Practical Introduction. He explains that it is meant to stand apart from others in its purpose. “Our church has a book nook in the corner of our main lobby. I have often wished for a book there that explained the Bible’s teaching about men and women in the church in a way that the interested layperson could understand and in a size that he or she could read in a few hours. I have wished for a book that would argue its case without being argumentative; a book I could give to other pastors wrestling with this issue; and a book pastors could give to their elders, deacons, and trustees that they would actually read; a book that displays exegetical integrity with minimal technical jargon; a book weightier than a pamphlet but lighter than a doorstop.”

This is exactly the book he has written. It unapologetically explains and defends the complementarian position, which insists that God has designed men and women to be complementary to one another in life, church, and family. Though few people love the word “complementarian,” he believes it is an appropriate choice because “it’s hard to tell the story of the Bible without a word that communicates ‘different but fitting together.’” The word “complementary” best fits that purpose. He briefly explains what the position entails. “As a complementarian, I believe that God’s design is for men to lead, serve, and protect, and that, in the church, women can thrive under this leadership as they too labor with biblical faithfulness and fidelity according to the wisdom and beauty of God’s created order.”

The book is divided into two parts. Part 1 explores what the Bible says about men and women, and manhood and womanhood, while part 2 answers specific questions and addresses particular challenges. Part 1 begins at the beginning, of course, with the first 3 chapters of Genesis which tells of God’s creation and man’s fall into sin. He then surveys the Old Testament to identify the patterns it describes as it pertains to men and women. From there he moves to a survey of the New Testament before focusing in on a number of crucial texts: key verses from 1 Corinthians 11 and 14, Ephesians 5, 1 Timothy 2, and 1 Timothy 3. Here he deals with difficult issues like headship and head coverings, the leadership and submission dynamic, the demand for quietness in worship services, and male-only eldership within the local church.

In part 2 he turns his focus to common objections such as Galatians 3:28 (“there is no male and female”) and Ephesians 5:21 (“submitting to one another”), along with the subject of slavery and the biblical examples of female leaders and teachers. He looks as well to the importance of raising boys to be boys and girls to be girls and of the notion that God’s will for his people is for them to follow him in distinctly masculine and feminine ways. “We are not philosophical nominalists who deny universals and believe only in particulars. We don’t just have males and females; there also exists maleness and femaleness. God did not create androgynous human beings, and he does not redeem us to become androgynous Christians. God made us male and female, and he sanctifies us by the Spirit so that we might follow Christ as men and follow Christ as women.” A closing appendix looks at why women may not preach in a church, even if they do so under the authority of male elders.

“My overriding desire,” DeYoung says, “is to put into the hands of churches, leaders, and curious Christians a work that is intelligent and readable.” And in that he has succeeded well. One of his particular talents is explaining complicated subjects in a simple way, and that talent is on full display in this book. Those who read it will better understand the complementarian position and see how it is grounded in God’s Word. They will understand some of the contemporary challenges to that position and learn why such challenges are invalid. They will also know better how to live out their theology in their own lives, their own churches, and their own families. And for that reason, among others, I’m glad to recommend Men and Women in the Church.

I’ve put together a little mini-series on family, and have shown first that God created family and second that God created family as a means of carrying out his will. In today’s article I want to show that God also created family to picture his truth.

Here is what I mean: God uses family as a means of providing pictures that can teach crucial truths to humanity. There are things we cannot easily understand if we do not understand family. On the other hand, there are things we are well on our way to understanding when we understand family. When God wants to teach us certain truths, he essentially says, “picture a father and a son, or picture a wife and a husband, or picture a brother and sister.” Because he made these family relationships to be universal, he can use them as pictures in every context and in every age. He begins with what we know, then uses that knowledge as a bridge to what we don’t know.

So if we understand family, we have language and concepts that help us understand certain truths about God and his works and his ways. But if we lose family, or redefine it, we begin to lose that language and lose those concepts.

Let me give you four important pictures God uses that depend upon family.

Family Pictures the Trinity

First, family pictures the Trinity. If you don’t understand family, you can’t understand God himself. Why? Because God reveals the first person of the Trinity as God the Father and the second person of the Trinity as God the Son. Of course this Father-Son relationship is not identical to our father-son relationships, but it does help us understand that they relate and interact as Father and Son.

Imagine there was a place with no fathers and sons. In that place you would have trouble explaining John 3:16: “For God [the Father] so loved the world that he gave his only Son that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” If you don’t understand the powerful, natural love and protection of a Father for his Son, how could you understand what it cost God to provide his beloved Son as a sacrifice?

This is one reason fatherlessness is harmful—it removes the point of comparison between our fathers on earth and our much greater Father in heaven. This is one reason why fathers who abuse their children are committing a terrible offence—they are giving a false picture of the way God the Father relates to God the Son—No one would ever accuse God of cosmic child abuse if there wasn’t the reality of human child abuse. This is why we need to be concerned about same-sex relationships—in a partnership where there are only two mothers, the picture of God as Father is negated.

Family Pictures the Gospel

So family pictures the relationship of the Trinity. It also pictures the relationship at the heart of gospel. The good news of the gospel is that God has a family, and we are invited to become part of it. When we put our faith in Jesus, we are adopted by the Father and become his children.

Ephesians 1:4 says, “In love, he [the Father] predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace…” How can we understand what it means to be welcomed as sons of a loving father if we don’t know anything about family?

Imagine that place where there are no families, where perhaps government raises children itself. In a place like that, you would struggle to explain the intimacy of the relationship we enjoy with God as his children. When we’re saved by God, we aren’t registered into an institution by a bureaucrat, but welcomed into a family by a Father. God gave us family so we would know what it means when he offers us the great honor of becoming his beloved sons and daughters.

Family Pictures Christ

Then, family also pictures Christ and his church. In Ephesians 5 we learn that the relationship of a husband and wife has always served as a picture of the relationship of Christ and his people. We are meant to say, “You know how a husband loves his wife and would sacrifice himself to save his bride? That’s how Jesus loves his people. You know how a wife responds to her husband’s love and joyfully follows his leadership? That’s how the church is to respond to Jesus.”

In a place where there is no marriage, you would struggle to explain how much Jesus loves his church and how the church is to respond to that love. This is why the redefinition of marriage to include same-sex unions is harmful. Christ and the church are pictured through the complementarity of a husband and wife, not the uniformity of two husbands or two wives.

This is why it is so damaging that more and more people are choosing to cohabitate instead of marry. Christ and his church are pictured in the covenantal permanence of marriage, not the temporary convenience of cohabitation. The covenant, the public promise before God and man, makes all the difference.

Family Pictures the Church

Family pictures the Trinity, the gospel, and Jesus Christ. It also pictures the church and the relationship between Christians. Spend time around Christians and you’ll soon hear someone speak of “brothers and sisters.” That’s not just a charming little quirk, but a spiritual reality that follows from our adoption into the family of God. Think of 1 Timothy 5:1 where Paul tells Timothy, “Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity.”

If you found that place where there are no fathers, mothers, brothers, or sisters, how would you explain how church members are to relate to one another? Or if you found a place where fathers are dishonoured, mothers are forsaken, brothers are resented, or sisters are taken advantage of, it would be difficult to explain. Why? Because we are to relate to one another like a family!

Conclusion

Here’s what we need to see: God has given us family as a way to picture other things, a way to understand other realities. And the more our families look like God’s design for families, the clearer those pictures will become, the closer people will be to understanding.

I was not able to track down any particularly interesting Kindle deals for today. We’ll try again on Friday!

(Yesterday on the blog: The Wonderful, Glorious Jesus)

When Contentment Sneaks Up on You

“I haven’t arrived at full contentment yet. I’d say nobody ever will, until we all have our sins completely washed away on that final day. Some mornings I wake up feeling particularly weak, having to rip myself from some fantasy world in my dreams. It takes a huge effort to drag myself to my Bible, open it up, and allow God to reorient my heart.”

The Making of Amazon Prime

“It’s easy to forget now, but Amazon wasn’t always the king of online shopping. In the fall of 2004, Jeff Bezos’s company was still mostly selling just books and DVDs.” This interesting article traces the rise of Amazon Prime.

Saved by Grace But Entertained by Sin

“For the past decade, God has been doing a work in my heart that has revolutionized the way I look at my pursuit of entertainment. Rather than establishing a complex set of standards in the spirit of the Scribes and Pharisees, I have learned to ask some simple yet powerful questions about what it means for me to find pleasure in entertainment.”

A Letter To My Aging Friends

I enjoyed Abby’s attempt here to imagine some of what God might say to our aging friends.

Must We Pay Poor Pastors Poorly?

This comes from 20schemes which knows a thing or two about ministering among the poor. “I observe men sent out to pastor in poor areas of South Africa, this thinking appears to persist – ‘be poor, for the people among whom you work are poor!’ No doubt, such thinking probably stems from a desire to remove barriers for ministry and help the man relate well to the community. But I am with the locals: it’s a strange move.”

12 “Hard Truths” For Graduates to Help Them Not Be Broke

There’s great advice here for younger folk. “Love God and not money. Steward all of your resources (time, talents, and treasure) well, and use them as a way to worship and serve God and to bless others, not just for yourself. Do this, and you will probably not be broke financially, nor will you be ‘broke in spirit.'”

A Censorious Spirit

Here’s one to work on for a social media world. “Sinclair Ferguson once lamented the fact that whenever he overheard others discussing some public theologian or individual at a conference, the statements were almost always prefaced with a negative comment such as, ‘Well, you know, the problem with him is…’ Sadly, those sorts of conversations are far from uncommon among those of us who have been in the church for any length of time.”

Flashback: Just Forget About Marriage for a Minute!

Ephesians 5 tells a husband he must love his wife as Jesus Christ loves his church. So let’s forget about marriage for a minute and reflect simply on how we are loved by our great Savior.

Startle not when I say it,—I fear that many men proudly ask to be humble: they desire to be humble in order that they may be admired for it.

—C.H. Spurgeon

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As a Christian husband, you are not left wondering or speculating about what it means to carry out your role in a way that pleases God and blesses your wife. To the contrary, the Bible provides clear guidance: You are to love your wife as Christ loves his church. In the closing verses of Ephesians 5, Paul describes how, out of love, Christ sacrificed himself to do for you what you could not do for yourself. Out of love he sanctified you to God’s purposes, to set you apart so you could live the life God created you to live. Out of love, he purified you, so he could put aside the sin that hinders you and instead give you his righteousness. He did this by the word of the gospel and through it all has a great and final purpose in mind. This is how Christ loved the church, so this is how a husband is to love his wife. Let me tease that out under these headings.

Love Your Wife with a Sacrificial Love

Husband, love your wife with a sacrificial love. I think every husband is willing to make the ultimate sacrifice for his wife. Wouldn’t you? If someone was holding you and your wife hostage and said, “One of you needs to die” I’m sure you’d put yourself forward. “Take me, spare her.” Good! You’ll die for her, but will you live for her? This is not a one-time act where you get to go out in a blaze of glory and get written up in the newspaper, but a day-by-day dying to yourself for her sake.

Are you willing to make those day-by-day sacrifices? Will you hold loosely to your time so you can invest it in her? Will you hold loosely to your preferences so you can cede to hers? Will you let go of some of your dreams so she can achieve hers? Will you be utterly ferocious with your sin so you can be kind and gentle with her? Ultimately, will you live more for her good than for your own? This is not a difficult burden but a tremendous honor.

Love Your Wife with a Sanctifying Love

Husband, love your wife with a sanctifying love. Jesus died so that he could set apart his bride for service to God. You need to understand that your wife doesn’t exist first for your pleasure, your joy, or your comfort. She exists first for God. Yes, she has been set apart to you, but only so you can help her be ever-more set apart to God.

Your wife exists to bring glory to God by doing good to others. This means your task as a loving husband is to be committed and creative in helping her do this. It’s your task to help her unleash her gifts, her talents, her passions, her interests in doing good to others and bringing glory to God. Love her with a sanctifying love, a love that ensures she is being set apart to do what God calls her to do and to be who God calls her to be.

Love Your Wife with a Purifying Love

Husband, love your wife with a purifying love. If a wife is to submit it means a husband is to lead, and a key part of that leadership is leading, guiding, and assisting her along the path to holiness. This puts a call on you to grow in holiness first. How can you possibly lead her where you’ve never been or where you refuse to go? You need to identify your own sin and ruthlessly put it to death. It falls to you to lead the way in holiness, to lead the way in love, in character, in worship, in repentance, in maturity. And then you have the honor of accompanying her as she grows in holiness.

Now let’s be clear: Holiness is not about correcting all of those little flaws and foibles you find annoying. It’s not about perfectly conforming her to your will. It’s all about helping her grow in purity before God. It’s about helping her put sin to death so she can come alive to righteousness. It’s rejoicing in who God is making her to be. It’s identifying God’s grace in her life. It’s encouraging her in her spiritual growth and praising and thanking God for every bit of it. It’s helping her be as pure and holy as she can possibly be. Do you love your wife with a purifying love?

Love Your Wife with a Gospel Love

Husband, love your wife with a gospel love. Christ washes his church with the water of the word, which is the gospel, and in the same way, you are to wash your wife with the water of the word which is the gospel. This means your husbanding is to be drenched in the gospel. Your love is to be shaped by the gospel. Your voice is to speak the gospel. Your life is to display the gospel. You need to speak truth to your wife, to lead her to the Word of God, to remind her of those precious gospel truths, to pray with her, to worship with her.

Are you washing your wife with the water of the gospel? If you do nothing else in marriage, read the Bible and pray with your wife. Make this a daily discipline. There are few things God uses in richer ways than a husband and wife together in the Word and together on their knees.

Love Your Way with a Purposeful Love

Husband, love your wife with a purposeful love. Wedding ceremonies are occasions of great joy, but even then there is always just a hint of sorrow because we need to acknowledge from the very beginning that there will be an end. This is why we make vows to one another that say something like, “Til death do us part.” You may get 60 or even 70 years with that bride, but then one of you will die and in that moment, the marriage will be over. But she will not be over. Your wife will not cease to exist the moment she dies. No, if she is in Christ, her life will just be getting started. She has a glorious and never-ending future beyond the grave.

You need to keep that in view. Your task as a husband, and your great joy, is to help prepare her for what awaits her in eternity. It’s helping her become today what she will be fully then. It’s receiving glimpses of who and what she will be in glory. You, my friend, have the joy of helping her toward that great day. God has chosen and appointed you as the one who will accompany her, who will lead her, who will guide her, who will protect her, who will know her deepest, who will love her best, on her way to that celestial city.

So, Live For Her

So resolve to live for her, to sacrifice all you’ve got for her good. Love her with a sanctifying love that is committed to setting her apart for the great purpose God has for her. Love her with a purifying love that helps her put sin to death and come alive to righteousness. Love her with a love that is shaped by the gospel and whose content is the gospel. Love her with a purposeful love that fixes in your mind and heart the great day when she will be all that God has created her to be. Will you even recognize her in that day for all her splendor, for all her perfection? She will be perfect then, unblemished by even the smallest sin, undefiled by even the tiniest trace of depravity. She will be beautiful and radiant and glorious beyond belief.

Christ awaits the day when he will present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. That is his great goal and he longs for that day. Shouldn’t you then fix in your mind the image of you presenting your wife to Christ? “Here is the wife you entrusted to me. Isn’t she radiant! Isn’t she beautiful! I’ve loved her. I’ve sacrificed for her. I’ve washed her with the word of your gospel. I’ve seen her grow in righteousness and holiness. And now I present her to you.” What an honor, what a blessing, that God has chosen you to accompany her to that place, to that day.

We are a people obsessed with love. We crave love and long to both extend and receive it. It is the subject of our favorite films, the theme of our treasured poems, the thrill of our happy hearts. Yet for all the love we see and experience, there is one much greater than them all. While we find it in a passage of the Bible that describes the relationship of a husband and wife, it points us to a love that is even deeper, even greater, and even more thrilling. Ephesians 5 tells a husband he must love his wife as Jesus Christ loves his church. So let’s forget about marriage for a minute and reflect simply on how we are loved by our great Savior.

Christ Loves the Church with a Sacrificial Love

First, Christ loves his church with a sacrificial love. “Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Jesus’s life culminated in an act of sacrifice for the sake of his church. He sacrificed himself to all the horrors of the cross so that we would not need to endure it ourselves. He turned himself over to the wrath of God so that we would never need to face it. There is no sacrifice that could ever be greater or costlier than this.

Christ Loves the Church with a Sanctifying Love

Second, Christ loves his church with a sanctifying love. “Jesus Christ gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her.” The point and purpose of Christ’s sacrifice was sanctification. That word is used in a few different ways, but here it refers to being devoted to God. This tells us that Jesus sanctifies his church by setting her apart to the service of God. We were merrily (or miserably) going our own way, set apart to serve the world, the flesh, and the devil, when Jesus Christ reached out to us, saved us, and set us apart to serve God. Christ loves his church and sanctifies us to the best and highest purpose a human being can achieve—living to the glory of God.

Christ Loves the Church with a Purifying Love

Third, Christ loves his church with a purifying love. “Jesus Christ gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her.” Jesus does not merely set us apart to God’s purposes, but he also gives us what we need to be effective in accomplishing those purposes. And what is it that we need? Purity! Holiness! He equips us by purifying us from our sin. We enter the Christian life as people with sinful desires, sinful habits, sinful inclinations, sinful longings, but Christ delights to purify us. He gives us new desires, new habits, and new longings. This is not a one-time act but one that goes on every day as we take hold of his power to put sin to death and come alive to righteousness.

Christ Loves the Church with a Gospel Love

Fourth, Christ loves his church with a gospel love. “…that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word.” We all know that water washes away dirt. It cleanses and purifies our bodies. What cleanses and purifies our souls? The gospel! The gospel is the spiritual water that cleanses us from all impurity. We hear this gospel and believe it and are saved, then all throughout our lives we continue to hear this gospel and to become purified from indwelling sin. The gospel is what saves us, the gospel is what sanctifies us, the gospel is what purifies us. The Christian life is not all about our grit and determination to be better people, but about continuing to hear, heed, and apply the gospel of Jesus Christ. Christ’s love for the church is declared by the gospel, enabled by the gospel, and eventually completed by the gospel.

Christ Loves the Church with a Purposeful Love

Finally, Christ loves his church with a purposeful love. Why did Christ sacrifice himself, then sanctify and purify his church by the gospel? Verse 27: “So that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” At the end of time, when history comes to its close, Jesus will present the church to himself in absolute perfection—this is the purpose he holds in mind. In Revelation John looks forward in time and sees this: “I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem [i.e. the church], coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God.’” Here is a vision of Christ the groom receiving the church his bride, perfectly adorned for her husband. Spotless. Pure. Holy. Perfect. Unstained. And they will dwell together forever as one.

Conclusion

Do you see how we have been loved? Do you see how we are being loved? Do you see how we will be loved? Do you rejoice at the love of Jesus Christ for you, his church? You were dead in your sin, a spiritual corpse, unable to do anything but deepen your rebellion. There was no hope for you. But then, out of love, Christ sacrificed himself to do for you what you could not do for yourself. Out of love Christ sanctified you to God’s purposes, to set you apart so you could live the life God created you to live. Out of love, Christ purified you, so he could put aside the sin that hinders you and instead give you his righteousness. He did this all through the word of the gospel and through it all has a great and final purpose in mind. You are loved.

When I was a kid, one of my hobbies was building model airplanes. I’m sure you remember those little boxes of plastic parts you’d buy at a hobby shop or toy store. Your job was to paint them, glue them, and make them into something that bore a resemblance to an airplane. I must have made hundreds of them through the course of my childhood before, inevitably, blowing them all up with firecrackers.

A few weeks ago I was speaking at an event in Hawaii and was able to visit Pearl Harbor, one of Oahu’s must-see spots. Part of the attraction there is the Pacific Aviation Museum, and as I walked through the exhibits, I came to an interesting realization: I was able to identify almost all of the planes. Why? Because years ago I had built those models. Though there isn’t a whole lot of resemblance between a $50 million fighter jet and a little hollow piece of plastic glued together by a ten-year-old, there is still enough that I could make the connection. The model helped me identify the real thing.

I was thinking about Pearl Harbor and model airplanes when studying Ephesians 5. It is in chapter five that the apostle Paul springs a little surprise on us by telling us that marriage contains a mystery, a deeper meaning that has been hidden until after the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it [marriage] refers to Christ and the church.” The marriage relationship with its loving leadership and joyful submission, with its indissoluble union and close intimacy—all of this is a miniature model of the way Christ and his church relate to one another. The ultimate meaning of marriage is the union of Christ and the church.

Think about the little model of an airplane; then consider the actual plane. Both are actual objects, but one is miniature, while the other is full-scale. One is a model or a representation, while the other is the real thing. Marriage is the miniature or the model while Christ and his church are full-scale, the real thing. This leads to an important application that pertains especially to those who are not married. When we understand the meaning of marriage, we realize that even if you never marry or are no longer married, you are not missing out on something that is essential to the human experience. If marriage had no meaning beyond itself, perhaps you would be missing out on something essential. But because marriage points to something else, you simply are not.

Perhaps it’s helpful to think about it in this way. Every year millions of people come to Toronto to see the city and one of the sites everyone wants to see is the C.N. Tower. It is, after all, a unique and uniquely incredible building. But I suspect that no one who stands and gazes at the C.N. Tower finds himself thinking, “Well, I feel like I’ll really be missing out until a see a little child’s plastic model of it as well.” That would be ridiculous. Even if a child with unusual talent built a model that was especially amazing, it would still pale in comparison to the real thing. It would only ever be the representation, the miniature. And in the same way, so is marriage. It is the miniature, the model.

So here is something to consider: If you are unmarried, you are not missing out on what’s ultimate and, therefore, on what’s essential. It’s no tragedy to miss out on the model. The only tragedy would be to miss out on the real thing. The only tragedy would be for you to miss having that real, living, and ultimate relationship with Jesus Christ.

A couple of times I’ve run into people who are familiar with the kind of Reformed theology I hold to and are eager to challenge me. Along the way they’ve said something like this: “I don’t believe in predestination.” That brings about an easy response: “The question isn’t whether you believe in predestination, but what you believe about predestination.” After all, the word (or the idea, at least) is right there in Romans 8 and Ephesians 1. We may disagree on what we mean by the term, but we don’t have the option to believe it just doesn’t exist. I think the word “submit” may be quite similar. It’s a word some people really dislike, so instead of studying it and coming to a firm conclusion on its meaning, they choose not to believe in it at all.

I’m convinced we must have some doctrine of submission (it is, after all, right there in the Bible) but don’t think I’m alone in cringing a little bit when I hear the term “submit,” especially in the context of marriage. When I hear “wives, submit to your own husbands,” something happens in my mind or heart that I don’t really like. I feel this immediate little bit of shame or rebellion or something. Submission feels old-fashioned. It feels like the kind of thing I may want to explain away like, “I know it looks like it says ‘submit’ but it doesn’t really mean ‘submit’.” The problem is that it really does say “submit” and, as far as I can tell, really does mean it. There isn’t one Bible translation that disagrees. So we just need to tackle it head-on.

But what’s happening? Why do I feel that little bit of rebellion or shame when I hear the word “submit?” I think it’s proof that we as Christians are constantly battling worldliness. Worldliness is allowing our minds and hearts to be shaped by messages that come from outside the Bible. Remember Romans 12:2: “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.” Our minds are like Playdough and someone or something is always shaping them. Our lifelong battle is to ensure we are not being conformed to the thought-patterns of the world but are instead being transformed by the revelation of God. And in this area I think many Christians, myself included, have allowed worldliness to encroach just a little.

The worldly thinking that constantly creeps into our minds is that our value and our dignity as people comes from our function or role, from what we do relative to other people. The Bible says something different. Your value and your dignity do not come from what you do but from who you are. And who are you? You are the one creature in all the world made in God’s image! You do not gain value or dignity from your function, or your contribution, or your abilities. Your value and your dignity are intrinsic to you and equal to anyone else’s because you are made in the image of God.

Why is that important? Because a world that assigns value to function rebels against the idea of submission. It concludes that for a wife to submit to her husband means that she must have less value than her husband. This is false, but it’s so often there in our minds and hearts.

Do you believe that God the Father and God the Son are equal in value and dignity, equal in majesty and glory? Of course you do. Do you believe that God the Son does the will of God the Father? Of course you do. In John 6:38 Jesus said, “I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me.” Jesus submitted to the will of the Father. Yet the Son’s submission to the Father did nothing to make him less valuable or less dignified or less worthy of praise than the Father. This hierarchy of function did not interrupt the essential equality of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, which proves that hierarchy, the arranging of people according to function, does not change value.

So when we encounter this word “submit” in the Bible and especially in Ephesians 5, Paul is not making a statement about the relative value of husbands and wives, but about their unique ordering, their unique functions. He is simply saying, “Families will function best when one person leads and the other person follows that leadership.”

It has been far too long since I shared a collection of letters to the editor. So here, to remedy this transgression, is a selection of just some of the letters from readers like you that have come my way in the past few weeks. I hope you enjoy them! They deal with sports and hobbies, smutty movies, and what we lost when we lost our hymnals.

Letters on Is There Anything Wrong with Sports and Hobbies?

Regarding hobbies, I believe you are missing the mark. Whereas I agree there is nothing in and of themselves (sometimes) wrong with one’s chosen hobby, we happen to live in a society with an abundance of time to be spent on whatever pleases us. This time is often better spent in relationship, or entering into someone’s reality. That is, not hiding from truth or reality or the responsibilities placed before you. I grew up in a home where I was raised by a mother and father who were nearly strangers. The television and movies were their “hobby”. The example was set for me that the real joy in life is in pursuit of pleasure. They ignored the relationships around them (and the suffering) and chose to insulate themselves and live in a mediated reality. Seeking to control one’s pain through distraction and submitting to the manipulations of media is really no different than addiction. To this day, I actively have to fight this inclination to follow what pleases me with my spare time. I have a bad track record of pursuing hobbies that take most of my “spare” time and shuts out my family. These hobbies are all much more interesting than movies and television, but they are exclusive and consuming and that is the point. I’m not sure if you meant to convey a wholesale approval of hobbies. It is what I read in it though. So often our hobbies become our lovers, and our pride and egos are fed by our successes. In this society, hobbies have a way of becoming covert idols, or the sense of escape created by their pursuit, the idol. There is a way to judge whether a hobby is legitimate, and it is this: does this pastime refresh me to do what God has put before me, or does it take from those around me and diminish my ability to do what God has for me to do?

—Chris M,Wasilla, AK

I just read “Is there Anything Wrong with Sports and Hobbies?” One area that you did not discuss is the risk of a hobby or sports becoming an idol. That happened to me and it was extremely destructive to my family. A basketball team (and its players) became extremely important to me and I began watching games over spending time with my wife (and kids). My mood swung with the team’s losses and wins. After my wife left me because of my other sinful behavior, I realized I needed to take action. My wife called my addiction to watching sports “my at home mistress.” So I gave away my TV. I rarely watch sports now and am writing to warn others of this danger. Sports can be fine a wonderful hobby as long as they do not become a priority or idol that affects your family and relationship with God.

—Anthony W, Claremont, California

Letters on Are You Godly Enough to Watch Smut?

THANK YOU! This post was refreshing. I often feel ashamed that I cannot watch things on TV without blushing or feeling uncomfortable. This post reminds people that it’s okay to blush. Blushing is not a sign of weakness and it’s not a sign of sin. I often feel that if I express my feelings about scenes in movies I am exposing my own sinful heart. I should never forget that my heart is sinful and not yet fully transformed. We should also be able to be frank and honest that ‘Hey-this scene makes me think things that I know are wrong.’ If we cannot, we are hiding in the dark and avoiding the light.

—Shawn F, Charleston, SC

When reading your article about watching smut, I was thinking about what Paul said about smut in Ephesians 5. What he says about porn, uncleannes (or lewdness) and covetousness. That a pornographer, unclean and covetous person has no inheritance in the Kingdom of God. That because of these things the wrath of God comes on the children of disobedience and that we should not be partakers with them. That we were sometimes darkness, but now are light in the Lord and that we should walk as children of light. Have no fellowship with the works of darkness but rather reprove them. If it is shame to speak even of the things that are done of them in secret, how can we look at those things? Why, as in Ephesians 4, verse 17 and following should we walk as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind, having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart: who being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness with greediness?

Then I looked up the word for lasciviousness, and saw that the Greek can be translated as “insatiable desire for pleasure.” If we are honest with ourselves, isn’t that the reason we are looking at smut? We have this insatiable desire for pleasure and we are looking everywhere to have it satisfied.

But we have not so learned Christ and should put of the old man and be renewed in the spirit of our mind and put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.

—Jacco P, Heeze-Leende, the Netherlands

Letters on On “Stranger Things” and Being a Big Prude

I agree that we should be careful about what we set before us as entertainment. My only issue is that it seems that I hear all too often that the only problem is with sex and nudity. Why is it that is seemingly the only concern raised in the Christian community? I hardly ever read a blog that addresses other blatant sins enjoyed as entertainment. Why is it not okay to watch a sex scene, but completely acceptable to enjoy people getting blown to bits or shot to death in the name of entertainment. I read multiple blogs when Beauty and the Beast came out about the half second scene of two men supposedly kissing (which I even looked for and didn’t see), but the same people complaining about this will hail some of the “cutsie” movies about singing groups and high school dances teens watch as fun and innocent even though the themes throughout are often completely dishonoring to parents and authority in general. I guess I’m having a tough time understanding the double standard. Perhaps you could address this in a post at some point. Thank you.

—Sam, Wakefield, RI

Letters on What We Lost When We Lost Our Hymnals

I’m curious as to whether or not your position on not returning to hymnals in the church is still what it was about a year ago when you wrote the excellent article “What We Lost When We Lost Our Hymnals,” which I’ve read more than once over the last year. I’m a hymnal kind of guy, but I’m not necessarily anti-anything else. But I feel that these losses you mention in your article are enough to mitigate a gravitation away from the hymnal. So much is lost, indeed!

Far too often today I see the entertainment-driven, hugely-popular electronic media and slides and videos and praise groups take the place of good hearty congregational singing, and it breaks my heart. I think the elements you mention in your other article, “Why I Didn’t Sing When I Visited Your Church” are enough reason to be very, very cautious about switching our method of public praise in the assembly.

Anyways, I don’t mean to drag on and on. Just curious if the last year of observation of the modern evangelical church at large has caused you to reconsider or at least given you some degree of pause and pondering regarding the shift away from the old hymns. Thanks!

–Michael B, Topsham, ME

Tim: No, not really. I still think the days of the hymnal are numbered and still think we, as Christians, need to do a better job assessing both the benefits and the drawbacks of that change or any other one we wish to make. What looks like quite a simple and “progressive” change can actually have significant and unforeseen consequences.

While you mention the vetting of the songs for hymnals, it goes a little deeper. Care was typically taken to choose a hymn that was rich in doctrine. The repetition of these songs allowed people to learn doctrine and that, in turn, helped us to be more solid in our faith. We now listen to songs on the radio that are adopted in our churches because it has a great melody, but the songs are often very mixed in their doctrinal consistency. At many times the ‘new doctrine’ learned through our songs is much shallower and more feelings-based. This loss of solid doctrine, which anchors us much more than feelings is the greatest loss for me.

–Al G, Murrieta, CA

Every few weeks I like to share an example of one of our services at Grace Fellowship Church. I hope that by doing this others will follow suit! I love to learn how other churches worship and often find myself both challenged and encouraged as I see how other congregations worship God in their unique contexts and cultures.

This service’s cast of characters included Peter as our service leader, Steve as our preacher, Joshua as our lead worshipper, and Murray as the elder leading pastoral prayer and the Scripture reading. Our band consisted of two guitars, piano, viola, and cajon accompanying a male and female vocalist. The various elements of the service are in bold with the name of the person who led the element in parentheses. Items in quotes represent roughly what the person said to the congregation. Items not in quotes are explanatory.

Welcome/Greeting/Call to Worship (Peter)

The service began with a responsive reading based on Acts 2:17-21.

“Listen to the Word of God from the prophet Joel. Following along in your bulletin and respond, reading aloud the bold words at the bottom:”

Leader: God will pour out the Spirit on all flesh, and our daughters and sons shall prophesy. Our old ones shall dream dreams, and our young ones shall see visions; and all who call upon the name of the Lord shall be delivered!

Congregation: Come, let us call upon the name of the Lord.

Prayer (Peter)

Peter prayed to ask the Spirit’s power and presence in the service.

Singing (Josh)

• “Praise to the Lord the Almighty“
• “Holy Spirit Come”

First Scripture Reading (Peter)

Peter read Philippians 2:12-16. He began by saying “Listen to the Word of God,” and read the text without announcing where it was from. He finished by saying “This reading was fromPhilippians 2:12-16.”

Confession (Peter)

“If we are to be blameless and innocent children of God, shining as lights in the world, we must confess all known sin, and always be willing for the Spirit to reveal sins that are yet unknown! Spend a few moments with us in silent confession of sin to God. May God the Spirit find in you on open and submissive heart!”

Singing (Josh)

• “Hallelujah! What a Savior“
• “Holy Spirit, Living Breath of God“

Scripture Reading (Murray)

Murray read the text that would be the basis for the sermon:Ephesians 5:1-21. After inviting people to turn to the text, he said:

“This is what Holy Scripture says…”

[Murray read Ephesians 5]

“This is the world of the Lord,” to which the congregation replied, “Thanks be to God.”

Pastoral Prayer (Murray)

Murray led the congregation in the pastoral prayer. He prayed for a number of matters, including Westminster Chapel (a nearby church), the Pregnancy Care Centre our church supports, and the nation of Brazil (as we pray our way around the world).

Singing (Josh)

• “Psalm 98” (complete with the parts, but sung slower than this video!)

Sermon (Steve)

Steve preached a sermon titled “Watch Your Life” based on Ephesians 5:15–5:21. This was his outline:

1. Be wise by seizing the day. (15-16)
2. Be understanding God’s will. (17)
3. Be filled with the Holy Spirit. (18-21)

Singing (Josh)

• “Sing to Jesus“
• “Jesus, Thank You“

Commission (Peter)

Peter used the theme of the sermon to commission the congregation to live in a distinctly Christian way throughout the week. He invited anyone with questions to attend the sermon Q&A immediately following the service and reminded the church of the forthcoming baptism class.

Benediction (Peter)

“Receive this blessing of the Lord from His Word: ‘The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.’ Amen.”

I continue to receive lots of Letters to the Editor, hence I continue to attempt to answer lots of Letters to the Editor. Here’s a new batch that include answers to questions on family devotions, whether church is for believers or unbelievers, Christian comedy, if and how women can serve in the church, and so on. I hope you find them helpful.

Could you suggest several options for material to help me stay on track leading family devotions with my wife and myself? We start well but it never lasts.

Probably, but I’m not going to. I’m not going to because I think you’re looking in the wrong place. I’ll shoot straight: It’s not a resource flaw but a character flaw; it’s not a lack of resources but a lack of self-control.

We are creatures of habit and I’m convinced this is a feature of our humanity rather than a bug. The reason you do not do family devotions right now is that you have not yet established the habit. To the contrary, you probably have other habits that interfere with your desire to do devotions together. You get started in building a new habit, but are unable to overcome the competing ones that are already well-established. The key to family devotions, then, is to build it as a habit. Here are some tips:

1. Grow in your conviction that family devotions are important. Don’t do them simply to assuage your guilt or to be able to brag to friends. Pray, study the Bible, and come to a solid conviction that God calls you to them.
2. Establish a time and place in which you plan to do your family devotions. Make sure it is a time and place you can count on being present and being together just about every day (such as immediately before breakfast or immediately after dinner). Decide how many days a week you’ll do them.
3. Decide on a pattern for your family devotions. At minimum, read a short passage of the Bible together and then pray. You can also add discussion or a devotional book or singing or anything else that fits your family. My counsel, though, is to begin with something short and simple, then to add length and complexity later on.
4. Exercise the self-control necessary to ensure you do them consistently enough to build a habit. Most people find it takes a month or two to establish a new habit, so expect to encounter some resistance early on. They will probably be simple for the first few days, tough for the next few weeks, and then gradually become easier and easier until they are suddenly the most natural thing in the world.

It’s really that simple. As a Christian, you have been indwelled by the Holy Spirit who promises to give you the good gift of self-control (Galatians 5:23). He is eager to help you exercise this gift. So in his strength begin this new habit, then build it, maintain it, and enjoy it.

I am wondering what your view is on who should be welcomed into a church. I used to think of church as a place for Christians to invite the lost to—an outreach. But lately I have seen that this often leads to the lost hijacking the church and this destroys church community and unity. The Bible mentions not having anything to do with some people. So what happens if they are at your church? How to “unwelcome” them at that point? I have even heard of instances where people purposefully attend a church while living an unbiblical lifestyle, simple to divide and conquer. I’ve begun to view church as something just for Christians. Can you share your thoughts on this?

I am convinced that church is primarily for Christians. Not only that, but church is primarily for Christians who are members of that local body. While guests (whether believers or unbelievers) are to be welcomed in, church exists primarily for the benefit of those Christians who make that church their home. This is in contradiction to the church growth movement which changed long-standing notions of church to make services all about unbelievers.

I believe the Bible makes it clear that churches are to be structured around membership. While there is no text that teaches this directly, we find several that discuss the distinction between people who are inside the body and people who are outside. Texts like Matthew 18 with its discussion of discipline are pretty much meaningless if we do not have an established body that people can join as Christians and be removed from if they prove themselves non-Christians. When a church has meaningful membership, it acknowledges there are essentially two kinds of people in the worship service on a Sunday morning: members and guests. Just as a family may welcome guests into its home, the church welcomes guests into its services. But like the home belongs to the family and exists primarily for their shelter and comfort, the church belongs to the members and exists primarily for their benefit.

There is an important implication here: Church services are not first a place for evangelism. Under normal circumstances, the primary purpose of a worship service is not to save the lost, but to edify and encourage the saved. While I trust and hope that the pastor preaches the free offer of the gospel each and every Sunday, still the primary audience for his sermon and the rest of the service is Christians. The ultimate hope is that believing guests either join the church as members or move to another one and that unbelieving guests soon come to faith and likewise join the membership.

There is much more I could say here, but I’d recommend doing some reading at 9Marks.org since that ministry has done more than any other to promote the kind of paradigm I have attempted to describe here.

I wanted to know your opinion about Christian comedy. I’ve never seen you write about that particularly, so would appreciate your input. While it can be fun watching Skit Guys or Tim Hawkins sometimes, or read The Babylon Bee, it always leaves me with a feeling that there is something wrong with these, especially in light of Psalm 1:1 (“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers.”). It appears there is a thin line between humor and mockery and I have to say I believe in many instances the above-mentioned do cross those lines.

I’m not sure that Psalm 1 is the place to turn to. The scoffers of Psalm 1 are not people who crack jokes and satirize others, but people who deny God, either by their words or actions. If I were to make an argument along such lines, I’d probably turn to Ephesians 5:4: “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.” This instruction is not quite on-point either, but you may be able to get there through implication and application. I might also turn to the various examples of ministry in the Old and New Testament, none of which depended exclusively (or even more than occasionally) on humor.

When it comes to humor, I’d want to first acknowledge that it is a gift of God. I see no reason to believe it is wrong to create or enjoy humor. If Jesus was fully human, we can be sure that he enjoyed a good belly-laugh every now and again. We have to utterly strip him of his humanity to believe he and the disciples never enjoyed a joke from time to time. Humor is a gift of God and is also sometimes a useful and appropriate means of making a point. Consider Elijah mocking the pagan prophets by suggesting that their god was not responding to their pleas because he was sitting on the toilet with his pants around his ankles. Or consider Jesus using absurdity and exaggeration to make a point in his sermons and parables. Humor has its place.

However, any gift can be misused, and humor is no exception. Thus I would want to be very careful about how I express it and what I intend to accomplish by it. Whatever else Ephesians 5 says, it warns we must not be crude. That means our joking must not tip into the dirty or sexual and must not use as a punchline those things Christ had to die for. Additionally, it must not be unloving or unkind. It must be in keeping with the commands that we show due respect to those who are older than us and that we honor governmental rulers and other leaders. There must be boundaries around our humor.

As it pertains to the Skit Guys, Tim Hawkins, or The Babylon Bee, I can’t say that any of them are wrong or unbiblical. However, I expect each one of them would admit there have been times when they’ve crossed a line and had to repent. I trust that each of them is aware of the specific temptations toward sin that come with those who try to be funny.

I believe there is an ongoing struggle in church about what to do with women and their gifts. The pattern I see is that a liberal denomination is fine with women pastors but that the conservatives, in order to show their biblical disagreement swing the pendulum the other way, permit women to do almost nothing beyond children’s ministry and maybe a women’s Bible study). It’s like women are to serve but not be heard from. We are all created in the image of God and we hear often from males created by God, but when do we hear from the feminine voice? Are women’s gifts needed, appreciated, or used in the more conservative churches?

It was Martin Luther who compared Christians to a drunk man trying to ride a horse. He climbs up, falls off one side, scrambles back up, and falls off the other. The point is that we are prone to go too far first in one direction and then in the other. Today I think some churches—and perhaps even many churches—have overcompensated when it comes to the roles of women in the life of the local church. And, without excusing this, I do think we can explain it. I’ll share my theory.

If we dial the clock back a few years, we come to a time when denominations were breaking apart over the issue of women in ministry. A good number of churches had come to the conviction that they ought to ordain women, and this caused a lot of dispute and grief. Many traditional congregations had to separate from their denominations and, as they did so, they defined themselves in opposition to egalitarian theology. I believe that some of them were so attuned to issues of women in ministry that they perhaps got over-protective of their position. Now any notion of a woman being at the front of the room or taking on any position of leadership (even if non-ordained) was considered a sure sign of the slippery slope to egalitarianism. While such a notion may be wrong-headed, I believe it is understandable within its context.

The way this worked out in many churches is that there came to be a kind of “demilitarized zone” between biblical convictions and actual practice. There was a kind of buffer or safe zone meant to protect against anything that even hinted at egalitarianism. While the elders in a church may have considered it biblically-acceptable to have a woman pray during a worship service, they may have prohibited it just to be safe or just to leave no doubt that they were not an egalitarian congregation.

Time has passed and I think quite a lot of churches are re-examining their position. This is not to say they are dabbling with egalitarianism, but that they are examining what it means to be fully complementarian! They are attempting to come to firmer convictions on the few ministries that are reserved for properly-qualified males and the many that are open to all members, whether male or female. As they do this, they are inviting women to participate in every role and ministry that God invites them to be part of. I believe our churches will be healthier for this.

Two years ago my husband and I sought a new church home when we relocated. We prayed. We attended a year before joining the congregation. A year later it is hard to imagine being more discouraged and disappointed. Is there a biblical method or insight in choosing a church?

It sounds to me like you followed a biblical method. You looked for a church before you moved, you diligently prayed about it, and you attended for a time before joining. Sadly, it sounds like the church was not all you hoped it was or all you believe a church needs to be. Unfortunately, this is sometimes simply the way it goes. It takes time to learn what a church is all about. It takes time to get to know the people and the pastors. And sometimes what you learn along the way is unsettling. In your case, that may mean it is time to move on.

Before you do so, though, perhaps you should ask these 3 questions: Have you been praying for the people of this church? Have you been serving the people of this church? Have you been with the people of this church? I’d encourage you to ask questions like that because we often want to move on when we feel weary of the people, when we feel like they aren’t interested in us anymore, when relationships feel cool rather than warm, when we feel like we need a fresh start. These questions are designed to help us identify anything we are doing that may contribute to our desire to leave.

If you are convinced that you still need to leave the church, here are some suggestions on searching for a new one:

• The Gospel Coalition maintains a church directory that is open to any church that affirms their Foundation Documents. This at least narrows the search and can provide a few churches to visit and consider.
• The Master’s Seminary maintains a Find a Church page which lists churches founded or pastored by their alumni.
• 9Marks Church Search offers a similar directory for churches that wish to be affiliated with them.

Your recent “Letters to the Editor” contained several letters regarding the Proverbs 31 Woman. As a single young man, this got me wondering, what characteristics should I be looking for in a future wife? What would be an example of a godly woman displaying godly character?

Stick with Proverbs 31. Remember, the whole book of Proverbs is written primarily for an audience of young men. “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck” (Proverbs 1:8-9). This kind of instruction begins in chapter 1 and extends all the way to chapter 31. So while the excellent wife of the final chapter is certainly a model for women to aspire to, she is also meant to provide direction for men who are searching for a bride. She exemplifies godly virtue. Learn from her, then search for her.

This was a banner week when it came to letters to the editor. I had a lot of letters to choose from on a lot of different subjects—something I found rather a joy. Here are some of the best of them.

Comments on War, Women, and Wealth

Thank you for your article on War, Women, and Wealth. That passage in Deuteronomy 17 is a nugget that can get lost. I have heard it preached several times, referring to the three things as money, sex, and power. It is interesting to see what follows the warning—while verses 16 and 17 give three things to avoid, verse 18 gives one thing to do as an act of protection—copy out Scripture. Verses 19 and 20 talk about using that copy with obedience to fear the Lord and not have his heart lifted up above his countrymen, pride certainly a huge component of abusing money, sex, and power. That has motivated and inspired many I know, including myself. Copying Scripture is now an appreciated tool that I use to slow down to meditate on and look at the text from more angles. My father is a pastor (he’s the one I’ve most often heard preach this), and he loves to do this; over several years he finished copying out his whole Bible.
—Katie S, Bozeman, MT
Tim: Quite right! I hope to return to those verses in a future article. We can look at the life of Solomon to see someone who violated all of God’s prohibitions about war, women, and wealth (or, if you prefer, military power). What would have protected him? Writing out the law (which we have no record of him doing) and keeping it with him all the days of his life. That is no less true of us.

Comments on Married for God

This is just a short comment to say that I’m delighted to see you recommend Christopher Ash’s book ‘Married for God’, and that it has made it’s way to your side of the Atlantic. For many years it has been our wedding gift of choice for couple’s getting married, and is now the textbook we use when giving pre-marital counselling. It is, quite simply, the most God-centred book on the subject I have ever read.

—Pete K, Woking, UK

Comments on How Petra Rocked My Soul

It was a joy to receive so many reminisces about Petra. Petra fans may enjoy this Facebook comment from Ronny Cates (bass player in the “Beyond Belief” era).

It’s really strange to see you write this article, as I have had “Beyond Belief” running through my head for the past two weeks. I used to listen only to Christian music in the 1990s, went to Christian school, youth group, and so forth—I remember seeing the music video for “Beyond Belief” at school. In my young zeal for God, I suppose I thought I would “optimize” my life so that everything had to do with Him. I’m not quite certain what to make of those days now. So many of those kids I grew up with have left the church in spite of the Christian sub-culture. I wonder to myself what went wrong—did the Baby Boomers fail to pray, did the subculture drown out the gospel, or something else?

Petra remains a great band and I love their music even more now that I am older. But I still feel a sadness listening to it because so many of my erstwhile companions seem to have abandoned the gospel (which they must have never held to in the first place). It’s difficult not to wish for a return to those days for they often seem brighter than the present.

—Matt R, Wilmington, DE

I couldn’t help but reminisce as I read your recent article about Petra. Growing up in the 80s, Christian music had a profound impact on the development of my faith—especially Petra. Looking back, I realize how much I appreciated that they always included Scripture in the liner notes. I remember looking up the references and learning to understand the biblical basis for the songs I loved and the truth I believed. Because of that biblical underpinning, I have often referred to Petra’s music as the hymnal of my teen years (I guess that was OK in an Assemblies of God church). Thanks for the stroll down memory lane.

—Rob C, Frostburg, MD

Thanks for the post! Me? 9th grade. Song? “It is Finished.” I still have the lyrics on a sheet of paper in my Bible. Between Mrs. Graham, my Sunday School teacher, and this weird Christian Rock band, the Almighty Creator of the Universe captured my soul.

—Sheila H, Spokane, WA

Thank you for highlighting Petra’s excellent witness. I took some women from our neighborhood Bible study to their On Fire concert in Greenville, SC in 1989 (or thereabouts). Bob Hartman said something that night I have never forgotten. He was speaking to those who believe but are complacent in sharing their faith or living openly for Christ. He said, “Being on fire for Christ is not a feeling you get; it is a decision you make.” It has been a good reminder over the years to believe and act on the truth in God’s Word, regardless of what I am feeling at the time.

—Eileen G, Albuquerque, NM

Comments on On “Stranger Things” and Being a Big Prude

You are going to find that all of these responses are in general agreement with what I wrote about sex in movies. That’s simply reflects the fact that I got all kinds of letters agreeing with me and not a single one disagreeing.

Tim, thank you so much for walking through some of your thoughts, temptations, and sins which give background and support for your visual entertainment standards which have been discussed on your blog before. I tend to think that many of the folks with ‘stronger’ (weaker?) consciences that you reference may have a similar path of thoughts and conviction when they watch scenes with some level of nudity or sex, but have seared their consciences over time and have adapted to our current North American culture. I’m grateful that you have been vulnerable to share your approach, and I think it is helpful and sets a strong example for your readers. May we all seek to honor God with what we set in front of our eyes!

—Bethany M, Denver, CO

I want to thank you and commend you for your article on Stranger Things. You were able to describe in great detail the battle you experienced with your conscience. I have very similar convictions about entertainment and have learned to be extremely careful in previewing movie or TV content. When I have not been careful, that content almost always gets stuck in my brain and I can’t keep it from polluting my thoughts and relationships in some way. Where I struggle and fall into pride is in thinking about how to react to Christians who feel free to watch this content. Doesn’t Ephesians 5 talk about this when it says, “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness but instead expose them.” Should we be entertained by something for which Christ died? Would we watch it in person in our living rooms? These are the questions I have and more often than not I am guilty of a critical and prideful spirit. But is it ever ok to approach someone about their entertainment choices?

—Meredith B, Marietta, GA

Thanks for the article—I’m always glad for another Christian reminding us of how obscene the entertainment world is, and pricking my conscience to re-evaluate what I’m watching. It’s too easy to lapse into a state of ambivalence that leads to major judgment errors and sin. It can be hard to always be the one saying ‘no, I haven’t seen that show/movie,’ etc, and I needed the reminder that my entertainment and ‘cultural savvy’ are never worth the sacrifice of a good conscience.

—Emilie L, Tacoma, WA

I wanted to express my deep appreciation for your article about “Stranger Things” and, more specifically, its relationship to one’s conscience. As a young pastor with a degree in video production and a love for all things cinematic, I have had a hard time balancing my love for quality production quality and storyline with a deep desire to not intentionally put any unclean thing before my eyes.

When I read your article, I felt as if I were reading my own thoughts. As you stated, I found the overall premise of the show to be fascinating. The characters were well-rounded, and the 80s intro had me hooked from the start. However, I soon found myself in a moral crisis. By the time the scene you mentioned in your article appeared on-screen, I was already hooked on the show.

I soon found myself in a moral crisis. I wanted to see what happened to the characters. I wanted to soak in more of the 80s-fest. And seriously, who is this creepy little girl? However, my conscience kept pulling on my heart. To my shame, I finished the episode. For the last two weeks, I have been struggling on whether or not to finish the series. The more I see my Christian friends posting about how incredible the season is and how excited they are for season two, the more I think to myself, “Am I too sensitive? Maybe I don’t understand my liberty in Christ.”

As you wrote in your piece, I am not yet decided on whether or not it is sinful for all Christians to watch the series. However, I do know that it would be sin for me to watch it. Thank you for stating this so clearly in your article. Thank you for giving a voice to my inward struggle.

This may very well be a “meat sacrificed to idols” issue in my life. This may very well be a sign of me misunderstanding my freedom in Christ. Nevertheless, I would rather never eat meat and lay down my freedom than risk sinning against the Lord who was wounded for my sins.

—Hayden H, Oklahoma City, OK

I’ve got just two articles remaining in this series I’ve titled “Why I Am Not…” Week by week I am describing why I have rejected some theological positions in favor of others and my purpose is not so much to persuade as it is to explain. There is a story behind every position I hold and each of these articles tells one of those stories. I have already told why I am not atheist, Roman Catholic, liberal, Arminian, paedobaptist, or dispensational. Today I want to tell why I am not egalitarian.

I ought to begin with a couple of key definitions. Egalitarianism is “the theological view that not only are all people equal before God in their personhood, but there are no gender-based limitations of what functions or roles each can fulfill in the home, the church, and the society.” That position is contrasted by complementarianism “which holds the theological view that although men and women are created equal in their being and personhood, they are created to complement each other via different roles in life and in the church.”* Both positions affirm the absolute equality of men and women in their being, personhood, dignity, and worth but differ when it comes to whether there are distinct God-given roles and functions associated with each gender, especially as it pertains to home and church.

I am not egalitarian and never have been, but that is not to say that I have not been challenged by the strengths of the position or the excesses of some definitions of complementarianism. I have carefully examined what I believe about manhood and womanhood. I have read widely and, as much as possible, with an open mind and open Bible. I have worked carefully through the relevant biblical texts. As I have done all of this, I have become more and more persuaded by the complementarian position but also more and more concerned about those who misuse or full-out abuse it. In that way I have not only had to define myself as complementarian but to define what kind of complementarian I am.

Let me back up a little bit. Aileen and I both grew up in traditional middle-class Canadian homes where the dads provided for their families while the moms focused on caring for the home and raising their children. We did not often hear words like “leadership” and “submission” but saw them quietly and seamlessly lived out in a context of mutual love and respect. I grew up attending various churches and these were, likewise, always very traditional in their understanding of the complementary roles of men and women in home and church.

As Aileen and I began to consider our future together we assumed we would follow patterns similar to what we had experienced in our childhood. To my recollection, our first real discussion came when choosing our wedding vows. We wanted to use traditional Anglican vows, largely because of their proud tradition and beautiful wording. But we had to discuss the word “obey.” These vows would have me promise to “love and cherish” Aileen while she would promise to “love, cherish, and obey” me. While we did not love the word “obey,” neither did we have strong objections to it or wish to break with tradition. Those are the vows we made to one another.

Despite our vows, we did not get off to a great start as a complementarian couple, and I am convinced this was largely my fault. I was passive and immature and easily intimidated even by my sweet wife. An older couple had told us that the husband’s leadership role involves little more than exercising his authority as a tie-breaking measure. Since we rarely disagreed about anything consequential I saw no reason or opportunity to lead. It took me years to understand that passive leadership is an oxymoron. It took me longer still to understand that a husband’s leadership is not first a matter of breaking ties or solving impasses, but a matter of being the first to love, the first to serve, the first to repent, the first to forgive. The call to lead is the call to display Christ-like humility and Christ-like love. While I have too often failed at this, it has at least become my aim.

There were a few books that strengthened my convictions: Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood by John Piper & Wayne Grudem was one I referred to many times while Women’s Ministry in the Local Church by Ligon Duncan and Susan Hunt also proved especially helpful. There were others besides, though their titles now escape me. At the same time I was challenged by the growth of the biblical patriarchy movement and quickly came to see that in too many ways it goes beyond what the Bible teaches and dangerously disempowers women. While this did not shake my conviction in complementarianism, it did alert me to one of the ways even good theology can go bad when it extends beyond the Bible’s good boundaries. There are dangers on both sides of truth.

Why, then, am I not egalitarian?

The primary reason I am not egalitarian is because I believe the position fails to withstand serious biblical scrutiny. Certainly it can prevail on a popular or emotional level, but I see no way for it to overcome on a biblical level. The complexity of words like ezer and phrases like mutual submission are far more easily resolved by complementarians than “I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man” is for egalitarians. Paul’s appeals to Adam’s priority in the order of creation, the distinct male focus in the qualifications of an elder, the extended teaching on marriage in Ephesians 5, the deep mystery and metaphor within marriage—all of these provide challenges to the egalitarian position that I consider insurmountable.

Second to that, I am not egalitarian because complementarianism has proven itself to me. In the context of Christian community both Aileen and I have been able to see and imitate godly couples and mentors. Theology that may be difficult to describe in the abstract is often beautifully displayed in the lives of other Christians. And in our own marriage we have seen that complementarianism works, that it brings order, that it brings consistency, that it frees each of us to serve the other in ways that appear for all the world to be so consistent with God’s design. It could be that I’ve learned more about complementarianism from Aileen than from anyone else simply by living these eighteen years alongside her.

I am complementarian but far better, we are complementarian. I rely on Aileen, I seek her wisdom, I heed her counsel. I am joyfully and unashamedly dependent upon her and wouldn’t want it any other way. All the while I seek to lead her by pursuing and imitating the One who leads me.

This sponsored post was prepared by C.J. Williams of Reformed Presbyterian Theological Seminary.

When Adam found that among the creatures there was not one suitable for him as a partner (Gen 2:20), it is not as though he (or God) first thought that there might indeed be an animal that would match him as a companion. The creation of Eve was not a “plan B” or a second attempt at finding partnership. The point of this failed search for a partner for Adam in the animal kingdom was to demonstrate the lesser status of the non-spiritual creatures, and how they cannot provide true companionship for a man with a soul who is made in God’s image. Only another human would do. Adam was not to find partnership with the lesser creatures; he was to have dominion over them (Gen 1:26). In spite of the old saying, a dog cannot be, nor were dogs designed to be, man’s best friend.

A curious trend in our culture wants to make them so, and go even beyond the old saying, by making dogs and other pets full-fledged kindred. Dog and cat food commercials tout their brands as being the healthiest choice for our little “family members,” and not a few pet owners casually refer to their pets as children. Some of this is lighthearted, and nobody denies that there is an enjoyment in pet ownership, but at what point are we supposed to suspect that our culture is purposefully turning the gift of dominion on its head by embracing the lesser creatures as equals?

We read in the Bible and know from archaeological evidence that ancient people groups often worshipped certain animals or idols of animals, which is basically a role reversal from the Biblical idea of dominion. Did you ever wonder why a golden calf, and not a golden … something else (Exodus 32)? Many would regard this phenomenon as a primitive impulse of the ancient world, but there is a corresponding spirit to the modern animal rights movement, which places animal life on par with, or even above, the value of human life. Extremists always stand out for what they are, just like those who worshipped the golden calf. I am more alarmed by the subtle shift of mainstream cultural attitudes that increasingly embrace the non-spiritual creatures as family and friends. One can only wonder where this is all headed, but it is not hard to track its progress.

With the advent of Disney movies, a generation of impressionable minds has been left thinking that wild animals are just little people in fur coats. When it first came out, the movie “Bambi” made it suddenly matter whether a hamburger was made from a deer or a cow, the latter animal garnering much less sympathy. Now, the debate has become whether it is moral to eat meat at all. When Mitt Romney strapped his dog carrier to the roof of his car to go on vacation in the 1970s, he was doing what every family did. Today, it is scandalous. The point is that the popular attitude toward human-animal relations has been shifting for some time. Today, we regularly humanize animals for entertainment and companionship, and proponents of vegetarianism are now moralists rather than nutritionists. While sexual bestiality is still taboo (for now), the current cultural norm can best be described as social bestiality. It is increasingly common to accept animals as our social equals.

Two things are at stake. The first is the unique nature of people as spiritual beings created in the image of God. Our relationships are the proving ground of faith and love, with our unity and companionship based on the high and holy purpose of glorifying God and enjoying Him. These things cannot be shared with lesser creatures that have only brute instinct to guide them. To blur the line between humans and animals is to allow the presupposition of evolution (which may be the root of social bestiality).

The second thing is the gift of dominion, and yes, it is a gift. Our authority over the creatures, in which we are allowed to use them wisely and humanely for our benefit, is one way in which we bear the image of God. Just as marriage reflects the love of Christ for His church (Ephesians 5), human dominion over the animals reflects the divine dominion over all. These two creation ordinances, marriage and dominion, are simultaneously under attack in our culture, but they are both essential for the reflection of God’s wisdom in the created order.

Owning a pet is a small enjoyment that many people innocently indulge (including me), but the apostle warned that the idolatrous heart has the tendency to “worship and serve the creature rather than the Creator” (Rom. 1:25). The trend of social bestiality may not amount to creature worship yet, but there is great reason for God’s people to faithfully bear witness to the Creator in the midst of this rising trend.

This sponsored post was prepared by C.J. Williams of Reformed Presbyterian Theological Seminary.

There is much debate and much concern today about redefining marriage. Where it hasn’t happened already, it seems very nearly inevitable that the definition will soon be expanded to include homosexual unions. And once marriage has been redefined away from the union of one man to one woman, it seems almost impossible not to see it also expand to include polygamous relationships. Already books and media and reality television are attempting to convince us of the goodness, normalcy and health of polygamy; this is just the advance guard the portends a coming all-out attack.

Of course this is not the first attack on marriage in human history. Marriage has always been a battleground. No-fault divorce is taken for granted today, but was a massive, double-barrelled attack on marriage. Before 1968 in Canada, and beginning in 1970 in the United States, couples no longer had to prove adultery or unusual cruelty in order to divorce a spouse; now they could simply separate for a time or cite “irreconcilable differences.” What is considered normal and unremarkable today represented an incredible affront to marriage in its time.

Marriage is under attack. Those of us who look to the Bible for guidance in interpreting life, the world, and the course of human history, see the hand of Satan behind all of this. He is the sworn enemy of God and, therefore, the sworn enemy of anything good–especially something so very good as marriage. He is a master strategist and a master tactician and knows how to get his way.

While we acknowledge his hand in all of this, we need to be careful not to assume that his plan is simply to redefine marriage. Satan always aims for the utmost. He always aims at the furthest possible extent of any sin. He is willing to claim small victories on the slow march to his final goal. John Owen says it of sin but it applies equally to Satan: “Every time it rises up to tempt or entice, might it have its own course, it would go out to the utmost sin of that kind. Every unclean thought or glance would be adultery if it could; every covetous desire would be oppression, every thought of unbelief would be atheism, might it grow to its head.”

If this is true, and I believe it is, Satan’s plan is not to redefine marriage but to destroy it. He hates marriage because he hates God and marriage is a godly thing. It was created by God to glorify God and to provide an ongoing glimpse of Christ’s relationship with his church. It strengthens families, strengthens society, provides the most natural context for spiritual growth and discipleship. It is inherently, intrinsically, all the way good. So why shouldn’t Satan wish to destroy it?

No-fault divorce, polygamous marriages and homosexual unions all advance his plan. Polygamy is dishonoring to God, but not dishonoring enough. No-fault divorce is bad, but not bad enough. Satan will be satisfied only with utter destruction because, simply, that’s who he is. He is the destroyer of all that is good.

How are Christians to react in the face of this kind of attack?

More than anything else, we need to be absolutely convinced of what the Bible says about marriage; pastors need to arm their churches, fathers need to instruct their children. Genesis 2 and Ephesians 5 and other key texts need to be known and understood and applied. This is absolutely crucial because the more Christians cut across the grain, the more they will come under attack and be regarded as hopelessly backward and bigoted. Those who are not firm in what they believe may well crumble under the weight of such assaults. Not only that, but other attacks will follow and knowing the Bible arms us to defend against any assault, not just today’s.

We need to love those who are divorced or pursuing a divorce for reasons the Bible deems illegitimate. We need to love those who are in homosexual unions, those who are in polygamous relationships. They are not the generals, but the foot soldiers in these battles. They are to be loved and pitied, not reviled. They need to know the truth that the truth may set them free. This pity is not merely something we feel, but a pity that takes action in sharing the gospel. It’s not that we have a beef with homosexuals or polygamists or serial monogamists who are quick to divorce; rather, in the Bible we have seen God’s good purposes for marriage and know the importance of keeping it sacred.

We need to likewise understand that Satan really does–always does–aim at the utmost. We can get hung up on a single issue, a single battle, and lose sight of the war. C. Everett Koop looked at abortion and understood that it was but one battle in a wider war against human life and that it would soon morph into euthanasia and post-birth abortion and so much else. Likewise, we can look beyond same-sex marriage and see a much wider war meant to destroy marriage.

We may need to be willing to claim and rejoice in small victories. After all, Satan advances his cause in inches, not in miles. History–especially the history of marriage’s decline–displays his willingness to do so. And as Christians we may need to have to be willing to stop short of complete victory and likewise rejoice at holding even the smallest bit of ground or reclaiming even the smallest corner of the battlefield.

And we will need to have faith–a firm and fixed faith in God’s sovereignty, in his faithfulness, in his purposes. At this point is seems unlikely that God will see fit to stop the enemy’s advance before marriage can be redefined in key ways. In fact, as I write this I am sitting in Toronto’s Pearson International Airport and just down the way is a lesbian couple sporting wedding rings, having taken advantage of Canada’s Civil Marriage Act which was changed in 2005 to define marriage in a gender-neutral way. While polygamy is technically illegal in Canada, there have been no prosecutions for many decades and appeals for making it legal are increasingly common. And yet somehow in all of this we need to take comfort in God’s promises that even this happens within his realm, within his sovereign control. He has allowed it and will somehow bring good from it.

Have you ever seen a bloodhound at work, tracking down a fugitive? Bloodhounds are absolutely remarkable creatures that are able to distinguish smells a thousand times more effectively than human beings. An article at PBS tells how they get on a trail and how they stay on it:

When a bloodhound sniffs a scent article (a piece of clothing or item touched only by the subject), air rushes through its nasal cavity and chemical vapors — or odors — lodge in the mucus and bombard the dog’s scent receptors. Chemical signals are then sent to the olfactory bulb, the part of the brain that analyzes smells, and an “odor image” is created. For the dog, this image is far more detailed than a photograph is for a human. Using the odor image as a reference, the bloodhound is able to locate a subject’s trail, which is made up of a chemical cocktail of scents including breath, sweat vapor, and skin rafts. Once the bloodhound identifies the trail, it will not divert its attention despite being assailed by a multitude of other odors. Only when the dog finds the source of the scent or reaches the end of the trail will it relent. So potent is the drive to track, bloodhounds have been known to stick to a trail for more than 130 miles.

When a fugitive is on the run, he leaves behind a trail. This trail of breath and sweat and dropped skin cells is invisible to the human eye and undetectable to the human nose, but it contains all the information a bloodhound needs to stay on the trail, to distinguish that one scent from thousands of others.

One of the remarkable facts about life in this digital world is that we leave trails behind us wherever we go and whatever we do. I am writing today from Huntsville, Alabama; Rogers, my cell phone company, knows I am here. They know the route I took to get here–from my home to Toronto’s airport, a layover in Chicago, then my route from Huntsville’s airport to this home. It has all been recorded as my phone has checked in with a variety of cell phone towers. In the same way Google has a record of searches I’ve made today, and yesterday and the day before.

Facebook keeps track of the name of every person you’ve searched for, every status update, every comment on another person’s status, every photo you’ve liked, every friend you’ve made. Taking a look at this list makes for a helpful social media heart-check.

I’d encourage you to take just a few moments to do this heart-check. Here’s how to begin. Go to Facebook and then click on your name to see your profile:

Then click on “Activity Log.”

Then make sure this box is selected (click it so a checkmark appears):

Now you will see something like this:

Here is a list of just about everything you’ve done on Facebook. It will go on and on and on, showing all of your activity. Let me suggest a few questions you may want to ask yourself as you look at it.

Would you be comfortable having your husband or wife sitting beside you and seeing this activity log? How about your pastor or a good friend?

Look at the comments you’ve left and the status updates you’ve made. How do they stand up in the light of Ephesians 4:15 which tells us to “speak truth in love.” How do they stand up in light of James chapter 3 which warns us about the power of our words and the recklessness with which we use them? Or Colossians 4:6 which says, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt.”

Look at the names of the people you have searched for. This may be the scariest part of all! Why did you search for those people? Would you want those people to know that you were searching for them? Were you looking for helpful information or making a useful connection? Is it possible that you were looking for alluring photos or gossip? Would you want your husband or wife to know that you searched for these people?

Look at the number of updates you’ve made and consider the amount of time you’ve used Facebook. What does that tell you about how you use your time. Ephesians 5: “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.”

Parents may do well to spend time with their children going through this list and talking to them about their use of Facebook.

Social media gives us some very helpful opportunities and abilities, but it is also a powerful reflector of what is going on in the heart. Don’t run away from the opportunity to probe a little bit!

(Credit where credit is due: A somewhat distasteful article at Buzzfeed gave me the idea for this article)